July 15, 2020
You are not gonna believe this homies! American Airlines is whack! As soon as I walked on the plane to Philly, some big-ass boomer in the first row jumped out of his seat and tackled me for no reason! He’s lucky I didn’t see him coming cuz you know I would have laid him out big time. But he blindsided me and smashed my face into the floor and slammed his knee into my backbone. I started screaming, “You’re crushing Da Bomb! YOU’RE CRUSHING DA BOMB!!” but that made him freak out more, yo! Then my sister started screaming, “Get off him, he’s got special needs! HE’S GOT SPECIAL NEEDS!” which is totally true, yo, because you know you’re boi needs them special low-sodium peanuts and an extra-fluffy pillow when he flies! I guess that must have made him realize I was a VIP because he lightened up after that and let us get on the plane. The worst part is he took the custom MasQini® my moms made for me, yo! What a fool! I’m going to have my pops class action his ass and American Airlines, too! DON’T FLY AMERICAN, YO!