Addicus Da Bomb!
The bombest buzz from the baddest dude in cyberspace, hyperspace, outerspace, and every other space known to the human race!
Here’s Wazzup!
Countdown to Christmas, Yo!
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He-man Got Nuthin’ on Da Bomb, Yo!
When Your Ass Gets Passed by Da Bomb
November 30, 2021
Hey homies, just got back from visiting my cousins in Philly for Thanksgiving! That’s right, four days of games, movies, football, and all the farro and vegan sausage your boi could eat! My moms even said I could have three grams of sugar a day for the special occasion. I felt just like a pilgrim, yo!
So after dinner on Friday my uncle was all like, “Hey who wants to run a shirtless He-man Half Mile around the block?” He’s always saying whack shit like, “You should turn yourself in if you run over someone with your car” and “Jesus existed” so I was like, “Whatevs, Uncle Fruitcake.”
But then my two cousins were like, “Yo, let’s do it!” and you know Da Bomb wasn’t gonna let those two She-ra’s out He-man him.
But Philadelphia is like in the Arctic or the ice caps or something, so when that hella cold wind hit our skin, my cousins were like, “Bomb, we’re not gonna make it! Please help us!” But all I heard was “Bomb w—” cos I was running faster than the speed of sound and I left their frozen asses in the dust!
The whackest thing of all is my cousin Lex—who thinks he’s like Speedy Gonzalez or something—thought he actually beat me to the finish line! He had no idea that I was actually on my third lap when he was finishing his first, yo! I was flying so fast they never even saw me pass them all, twice!
Don’t tell them though, homies. Da Bomb gots to keep his Bombness on the down low with them cause they get all jealous and insecure and stuff.
Rotate on this, yo!
Unstoppable, Yo!
November 16, 2021
Yo, homies! I guess you probably heard the news by now: the haters came after Da Bomb! That’s right, those snowflakes in my cumbaya basketball league tried to take your boi OUT! You know those liberal elite Canyon Crest parents couldn’t handle a real baller making their kids look as lame as they are. So they put a hit out on me in practice!
Of course the lamestream media is reporting it as an accident, but if you believe that, I got some helium mining stock to sell you.
It’s all good though. You think a torn rotator cuff is going to slow down Da Bomb!? That kind of injury normally take months to heal but my doctor said, “Damn Bomb, your rotator cuff has improved by 40 percent in the 10 minutes I’ve been examining you! You should be good to go in one to two weeks.”
I even got a call of support from President Trump! (The occupier in chief tried to call me too, but I hung up on his sleepy ass!)
Bite this, yo!
Asshole Shark Attack
August 4, 2021
Yo, yo, yo! Long time, no Bomb, bitches! (That’s right, my moms says I can use curse words in my blog now that I’m 16 and shit!)
So my East Coast cousins finally made it out to Bombtown for a visit last week. When they saw me, they were all like, “Dang Bomb, you’re swole as shit now, yo!” And I was like, “I told ya’ll Da Bomb been bangin’ those weights!”
Then they start begging me to go to the beach so I can show off my guns and all and they can be seen with me, and I was like, “Whatever, stans.”
But you won’t believe what happened there, yo! We were boogie boarding some bitchin’ waves when all of a sudden this Great White shark comes swimming up.
I could hear his thoughts and he was all, “Yo, Bomb, I’m gonna bite your ass.” And I was like, “Yo, you try to bite Da Bomb and you the one gonna get bit, shark!”
But he was a big-time asshole and tried to bite me anway! So I was like, “Yo, you gonna get it now shark!” and I gave him a BombBlaster™ Uppercut in his dumbass beak.
And he was all like, “I’m sorry Bomb!” and started crying like a little bitch. And I was like, “Yo, I warned you, you stupid fish! Now go tell all your shark friends they better stay the hell away from Da Bomb’s beach!”
So he swam his ass out of there crying and sniffling and my cousins were all like, “Yo, Bomb, you’re our hero!”
So if any of you are planning to come to Solana Beach anytime soon, don’t worry, it’s shark free now!
Addicus Da Bolt, yo!
July 18, 2019
Hey homies, checking in from the City of Brotherly Love, where Da Bomb is burning it up on the track, yo!
I went to the track with my cuzin Lex to see how fast we could each run a mile. He was like some big high school track star, so he was all like, “I was a big high school track star, so I’m faster than you.” And I was like, “We’ll see about that, yo!”
Long story short, I was about to pass him in the final lap, but then I started feeling all guilty and what not about breaking his spirit. So I eased up and let him finish ahead of me. I even started making some noises like a dying wildebeest to make it convincing.
Anyway, he finished in 5:15 and I finished in 5:41, but he’s like 27 or something now so I’m cool with dat. When I get my body fat down to 3% like my pops I’ll come back and smoke him.
Jackpot, yo!
July 15, 2020
Yo homies, I just found the BOMBEST book at the airport gift shop. I’m going to read it the whole way to Philly. My cuzins are going to love me, yo!
American Airlines is whack, yo!
July 15, 2020
You are not gonna believe this homies! American Airlines is whack! As soon as I walked on the plane to Philly, some big-ass boomer in the first row jumped out of his seat and tackled me for no reason! He’s lucky I didn’t see him coming cuz you know I would have laid him out big time. But he blindsided me and smashed my face into the floor and slammed his knee into my backbone. I started screaming, “You’re crushing Da Bomb! YOU’RE CRUSHING DA BOMB!!” but that made him freak out more, yo! Then my sister started screaming, “Get off him, he’s got special needs! HE’S GOT SPECIAL NEEDS!” which is totally true, yo, because you know you’re boi needs them special low-sodium peanuts and an extra-fluffy pillow when he flies! I guess that must have made him realize I was a VIP because he lightened up after that and let us get on the plane. The worst part is he took the custom MasQini® my moms made for me, yo! What a fool! I’m going to have my pops class action his ass and American Airlines, too! DON’T FLY AMERICAN, YO!
Asha is DOPE, yo!
July 15, 2020
My sister is like my biggest fan, yo! Much love, sis. I could not have done everything I have without your support!
Philly 2020, yo!
July 14, 2020
Yo homies, long time, no Bomb!!! I didn’t mean to neglect y’all but Da Bomb has been da bizay! I got so much stuff going on, I need a schedule manager for my schedule manager, yo!
Hope you’re all healthy and Corona-V free. You know that virus ain’t messin’ with Da Bomb. It’d be all like, “Yo Bomb, I’m here to infect you, homes!” And I’d be like “Yo, you try to infect me and you gonna wish you never left Wuhan, V!” And Corona would be all like, “Oh snap, Ima go infect some uncool loser instead, yo!”
But I got BIG news, homies! I’m heading back to the City of Brotherly Love! That’s right, me and my little sis are hopping on a plane tomorrow morning and going to visit my cuzins on the East Side! I’m super excited, yo, cause their parents are whack when it comes to nutrition and stuff. My moms is always like, “Hey Addicus, have one of these dehydrated carrots and a shot of dandelion juice” and my pops is always like, “Addicus, eat one of these organic vegan pork rinds!” But when I’m at my cousins, their parents are like, “Yo Bomb, try five or six of these cookie dough filled sugar donuts!” or “Hey Bomb, have one of these Jack Daniels and peanut butter cup smoothies!” They’re totally cool, yo!
Anyway, I got to get packin. My boi Mario is buggin because I’m bringing my sis instead of him, so he hid all my shoes and headphones and stuff. I was like, “Come on Mario, you know you’re my main homie and all, but if I don’t take my sister with me my parents are going to pee all over my Philly parade!”
Make sure you check my blog tomorrow for updates, yo!
I can eat whatever I want, yo!
July 20, 2020
Hey Pops, guess you won’t be telling me what I have to eat now, yo! 155 LBS, BOOM! It’s nothing but Saltine crackers and Diet Country Time Lemonade for Da Bomb from here on out.Uncle Mike gave me all kinds of tips on how to starve myself and lose all my body fat so I can get down to 3 percent. I’m talkin’ legit 3 percent, yo, not Pops on ganja 3 percent.
He said pushing myself beyond my limits like he did will leave me a physical wreck by the time I’m 50, but that’ll be in like 2099 or something, so who cares, yo!?
Diverted, yo!
June 19, 2019
Hey homies, they just announced that my flight to Philly has been diverted to Charlotte, NC. That is wicky, wicky whack! Good thing I’m flying first class or I would be hella mad, yo! The Hornets suck!
My pops told me not to let anybody push me around on this trip, so they better get us back on the way to Philadelphia FAST. If they don’t, I’m gonna stand up and yell, “Hey, we got Da Bomb on this plane, yo! And if you don’t get it up in the air lickety splickety Da Bomb gonna explode!”
I’ll let you all know how it works out in my next post.